Like Watering Eyes

“But if you cant, you truly cant, then show me mercy next time you see me. Dont flirt, dont hug, dont smile at me with those eyes, dont melt me.

Let me be hard because that’s what I’ll need. And I’ll move on if thats what you want I’ll do it. Move on from this thing that never even got a chance to start.

Like watering eyes that never get to cry.

Just that pain in your throat begging for release. Like the sneeze that never chous just ah. Like inching to the end of the diving board and walking away. More like getting within an inch of his face and not kissing him. Like falling asleep sitting up and your head keeps catching itself. Like tripping on your first step and sitting back down with that black head rush.

Like almost having someone to say good morning to the moment you open your eyes. Almost having a best friend you can tell anything to, even all this. Like almost having an arm wrapped around you when you sleep, almost knowing the nook, I fucking love the nook. Like needing a knife and all you have are needles, needles I can take from right below my rib cage and use as tooth picks to dig into the stake.

It was a hot day and you were the cool refreshing lemonade that I cant drink!

Because of the reasons. They are good reasons. I hate the reasons. They get in the way of everything. I think of ways to convince you but I’ve grown up and know if you dont see it now nothing I can do will change that. And believe me I’ve tried. So I tuck my tail, rather swing it, forcefully side to side, pretending I’m fine, faking it till Im making it and walk away. Head down ears back, moaning sighing then plop on the ground as the dust wafts up around me. I lay back feel the sun on the face blinding my eyes knowing it may never get better than this.

I lay back alone put my own arm around me and go to sleep. Perhaps tomorrow I will wake up more optimistic and with a plan to get over this almost thing. Perhaps tonight I’ll actually cry, properly sneeze and pray God has someone even better than you out there waiting, hoping I move on quick so I can find him. Because you and me, this, is like watering eyes that never get to cry. “